Is your divorce case your first interaction with the legal system? For most people, it is. And with anything that is unknown, dealing with the family court system and attorneys can be confusing and scary. As a result, you may have a lot of questions about what is going to happen to you. Not sure what to ask your divorce attorney first? Don’t worry, that’s what I (and the Divorce Lawyer Life) is here for!
There are 7 questions that I think that every client should ask their divorce attorney at the beginning of their divorce case. Want to know what those questions are and why I think they are so important? Read on . . .
Question #1 to ask your divorce attorney: Have you handled cases like this before?
It’s no secret that I’m pro divorce lawyer. While I do provide tips so that you can DIY your divorce, I believe that most people can benefit from having an attorney represent them in their family law case. But attorneys are not once size fits all. So before you hire one you should ask your divorce attorney, have you handled cases like mine before?
Here’s why this is so important. While I see recurring themes in my divorce cases, no two cases are exactly the same. I think that’s why I love my job. Each day I get to do something a little bit different. Divorce cases also often intersect with other types of law such as immigration, criminal, business, taxes, real estate, etc. Does your case involve any of these other areas of law?
If so, or even if your case is just a really hard divorce, you want to make sure that your attorney has the experience to represent you. If they don’t, they should be up front with that fact and have a plan for how to address their lack of knowledge in that area. You may still want to hire them anyways, as perhaps there are other lawyers at their firm that can help deal with this issue or they can refer out a portion of the case to an expert in that field.
Want an example?
I once had a case involving a patent issue. I am not a patent lawyer. So, through me, my client also engaged the services of a patent lawyer to help with that portion of the case. I handled the remainder.
Another reason why this question is so important? Failure to ask your divorce attorney about their skill set can cost you time and money. You don’t want to get a year and thousands of dollars into their representation of you to find out that they have no clue how to handle your divorce case. Talk about a waste of resources! So make sure ask your divorce attorney upfront about their ability to expertly handle your unique matter correctly and effectively.
Question #2 to ask your divorce attorney: How do you work with my spouse’s lawyer?
Contrary to what you may think, your divorce case will go a lot better if your divorce attorney and your spouse’s representation get along. That’s why it’s important to ask your divorce attorney how they work with the other lawyer during your initial consultation.
Here’s why this is so important. I always tell clients that there are four people in their divorce: the couple and their two attorneys. The behavior of each of those people can significantly affect how the case is going to go. What does this look like? Let me explain.
Is the other lawyer non-responsive, overly aggressive, or insist taking everything to court? If so you are looking at a protracted (i.e. drawn out) divorce process and a lot of legal fees. In contrast, is the other lawyer collaborative, responsive and reasonable (like me of course!)? Then your case will likely be faster and less acrimonious (and probably also less expensive too). See how that works?
So, if the two lawyers trust each other’s professionalism and can work together you are likely going to have a more pleasant divorce than if they don’t. I know, more pleasant is a relative term. So ask you divorce attorney how they work with the other side, either at the initial consult or once your former spouse has selected representation. I promise you their ability to work together is a good thing for you.
However, when you ask your divorce attorney this question, be prepared for a negative response. It may be that no one can work with the other lawyer, even if your attorney is the most professional and patient in the world. In that case, you will at least know that at the start of your divorce case and can budget your legal fees and emotional energy accordingly.
Question #3 to ask your divorce attorney: What is the best way for us to communicate?
I have a confession to make. I hate talking on the phone. Can you relate? I think it is because I am better at processing facts and figures when I can actually see them, i.e. in an email. And you can’t “see” numbers during a telephone call. Your lawyer may be the same. So, remember to ask your divorce attorney, about the best way for you to communicate with them during your divorce case.
Here’s why this is so important. One of the biggest fears in any divorce case is fear of the unknown. I get that. So I like to make sure that I am as responsive as I can be to my clients during this scary time (with boundaries of course!). Some clients do better with phone calls so that they can talk through scenarios, ask questions and get responses immediately. Some divorce clients prefer emails so they can process the information in their own time and formulate thoughtful questions. Still others require literal hand-holding (which has been pretty tough during COVID-19!).
I like to find out what works best for my clients as soon as possible. So, if they don’t ask, make sure you ask your divorce attorney how to best communicate with them during their representation of you. Having the lines of communication mapped out at the beginning of the divorce process is the best way to make sure their is no confusion or frustration during the more anxious moments of your case.
Question #4 to ask your divorce attorney: What is the court process relative to my case?
Do you like maps? Are you someone who reads the program for a play or a conference cover to cover? Do you wear a fit bit? Yeah, me too. While every divorce case has it’s own wrinkles, there is a general road map that every action is going to take. So if you like to know where you are going, you should ask your divorce attorney about the path to get there.
Here’s why this question is important. Asking your divorce attorney about the court process serves two purposes. First, if the lawyer can’t answer this question, then it is likely that they do not have the expertise to represent you in your divorce case. An experienced divorce lawyer should know the general track that your case is going to follow. If they don’t, then that is a red flag to me that you need to look elsewhere for representation.
Second, you should ask your divorce attorney about the court process because you should know what it is going to be! How can you get to the end if you don’t know where you are going? Having a general idea of how your case is going to go will not only make you feel more comfortable it will allow you to orient your behavior and thoughts to the roadmap.
What does this look like? Let me explain.
Do you live in a state that takes a while to issue divorce decrees? Is there paperwork that will need to be signed by you beforehand? What paperwork? Will you have to go to court? Not sure? Ask your divorce attorney. You should have an idea as to the steps to get a divorce decree and the wait time to actually divorced. Why? This will allow you to make decisions about health insurance, buying or selling a house, budgeting, etc. Without having this general roadmap how can you plan for your best post-divorce life?
Question #5 to ask your divorce attorney: How long is this going to take?
Have you ever been on a road trip and had your kids ask, “are we there yet?” Or maybe, ahem, you’ve asked that question yourself? Again, me too. We all want to know how long something is going to take, particularly something we don’t like. I would think getting divorced would fall into that latter category. So you should ask your divorce attorney about the timeline for ending your case.
Here’s why this question is important. Again, divorce clients are anxious. I don’t blame you (or them). We are only talking about the rest of your life! So you should ask your divorce attorney how long it will take for certain things to happen in your case.
Want some examples? You can ask your divorce attorney about the wait time for trial or hearing dates, effective dates of certain orders, or when your attorney expects to get decisions on certain motions or petitions from judges. No attorney can guarantee the length of a case or wait time for certain action items, particularly during COVID-19. Sorry! However, he or she should be able to give you an estimate for time and explain their reason for that estimate.
Question #6 to ask your divorce attorney: How much will this divorce cost?
Your lawyer should not be able to answer this question but you should ask it anyways. You may be saying, but Liz, why would I ask my divorce attorney a question that I know that he or she can’t answer? Because what they say in response can actually be quite revealing about their level of experience and overall honesty.
Have you heard the joke about lawyers who lie? I’m sure you had. Unfortunately there are divorce attorneys out there that will tell clients what they want to hear, including how much a divorce will (or won’t) cost, in order to get the case. I think this is bad practice. And, even worse, it actually hurts the lawyer and their future referral source, i.e. you. Want to know how?
I like to give clients realistic expectations about what is going to happen to them in their divorce cases. I can’t promise you that you will receive a million dollars and a pink pony when I know that you can’t get one (unless there is a pink pony farm that I don’t know about). So I don’t. Why? Because giving you unrealistic expectations about the outcome is lying! Do you want to be lied to? And worse, you are doubly mad when you realize it!
What is doubly mad? Let me explain this legal term (that I made up). First, you are mad that you didn’t get a pink pony (I mean, I get it) and then you are mad that I lied. Doubly mad. Get it?
So when a lawyer can tell you exactly how much your divorce is going to cost they are likely giving you unrealistic expectations as to what your legal fees will be. Perhaps they are underquoting you so that you’ll hire them. Perhaps they are scared that you’ll hear the real potential price and you’ll decide to DIY your divorce. Whatever the reason, if your lawyer quotes you an exact cost for your divorce, be wary.
So why can’t your divorce attorney tell you how much your divorce will cost? Because divorces are full of twists and turns and many unknowns. Things that seem simple to resolve could turn out not to be. Something that you thought you and your spouse could agree on end up being a major fight. A pandemic could happen! There are simply too many what-ifs to be able to quote a final price for your divorce. So, if your lawyer answers this question with certainty, it may be a reason to look elsewhere.
Question #7 to ask your divorce attorney: What should I do next?
You probably thought that when you left school you also left homework behind. Not so fast. I also joke with my clients that since my mother is a retired kindergarten teacher, giving out homework is in my DNA. But I don’t do it to punish you. Though you may get put in a time out if you don’t complete it.
Here’s why this question is so important. When you first separate from your spouse your brain is all over the place. Did you feel that way? Everything is in transition and, often times, you don’t know where to start. Did you feel that way too?
This is why I give out homework. I find that, for people whose lives are in a state of flux, having a to do list of what to do next is comforting. They can put the emotions aside and focus on the action items that I give them. What kind of items could be on that list?
You’d be surprised but, most times, the next step is not to file for divorce. Perhaps it’s to check your credit. Sometimes it’s to segregate bank accounts and bills. Other times it’s to move out. I feel that by giving clients this to do list I am helping them get focused and take control over their life.
While I always offer clients the to do list, some lawyers don’t. So ask your divorce attorney, what should I first do when I leave your office? And then, what should I do after that? Having that checklist will help you make the right first steps for your divorce case.
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Did you get all 7 questions to ask your divorce attorney?
Getting divorce is scary and confusing. Not sure where to start with your divorce attorney? Make sure that you ask your divorce attorney these 7 questions at the beginning of your divorce case.
- Have you handled cases like this before?
- How do you work with my spouse’s lawyer?
- What is the best way for us to communicate?
- What is the court process relative to my case?
- How long is this going to take?
- How much will this divorce cost?
- What should I do next in my divorce case?
For more information about hiring the right divorce lawyer check out my article on the same topic. Not sure what to do at your initial consultation with your attorney? Don’t worry I have an article for that too! Check it out here.
What’s next on the Divorce Lawyer Life?
We all know summer is wedding season. Well, maybe not so much this year. Despite everything that is going on people are still getting engaged and getting married. And with an engagement comes a prenuptial agreement. Well, it should. Want to ask your fiancee to sign a prenuptial agreement but not sure how to ask? Don’t worry, I got you! Check back next week for your how to guide on asking your intended to sign a prenup.
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