Do you have a divorce legal defense fund? Probably not. In fact, many US families are only $400 away from financial hardship. So, with the average divorce costing $18,000.00 to $27,000.00 per person, chances are that most couples can’t actually afford a divorce. What about you? are you afraid that you won’t actually be able to pay for the cost to end your marriage?
However, if the 2008 recession taught us anything, just because you can’t afford something doesn’t mean that you don’t want it. Or try to get it. So how can you get a divorce if you can’t afford a divorce? In this article I’ll give you some ideas for dealing with the high cost of untying the knot:
- DIY if you can’t afford a divorce (or at least a portion of it);
- Pick your battles;
- Mediate your case;
- Check to see if your company offers legal plans; and
- Seek out divorce funding if you can’t afford a divorce.
DIY if you can’t afford a divorce (or at least a portion of it)
While DIY is great for children’s Halloween costumes and holiday wreaths, I get a little nervous when I hear that clients (i.e. you) want to go it alone (i.e. without a lawyer) because they can’t afford a divorce.
I get it. Most people don’t have a divorce fund or even a large savings account to use. So, if you can’t afford a divorce, you may be tempted to represent yourself or use forms from the internet in place of hiring legal counsel. However, please don’t try to DIY your divorce without the right tools.
I’m never going to tell you that forms can completely take the place of legal advice, because they can’t. But, if you are going to use forms, make sure that you use good ones. Luckily there is a company out there that I trust, Nolo.com. Nolo is staffed by attorneys and provides basic legal forms to help couples handle small legal issues themselves. I really like the fact that these forms were prepared by attorneys, so you don’t have to worry about them being rejected by the courts.
So when would it be okay to DIY if you can’t afford a divorce?
- You and your spouse are relatively amicable and are able to discuss financial and child custody issues without the help of a third party;
- There are few assets and/or debts for property division if any at all;
- You and your spouse are W-2 wage earners so determining each other’s income for child support purposes is relatively easy;
- The kind of property that you have does not require valuations or appraisals; and/or
- You have some experience in the family court setting and thus have a working knowledge of court procedure.
Also, you don’t have to DIY your whole case. Do you and your spouse agree on custody but need assistance dividing up your marital property? Perhaps you can deal with the custody issues yourself but hire counsel to help divide up your assets. This way, you can save money where you can and still be able to afford expert legal advice for the part of your case where you need the most help.
Pick your battles if you can’t afford a divorce
Do you automatically object to everything that you ex suggests? Do you assume that if your ex wants something it is obviously going to hurt you? Is it your nature to respond to every single comment, slight, or text that your ex sends?
If you have answered yes to any of these, this is why you can’t afford a divorce, or, more specifically, the divorce litigation that you are currently in. However, there is something that you can do to deal with this. Want to know what it is?
Pick your battles.
I know, I know it’s tough. If the average divorce costs more than $18,000, think about what you could do with that money instead of using it to fight your ex. Would you buy a car (okay a used one)? Help your children pay for college? Take a one in a life-time vacation? All of these options are better than paying for a lawyer to fight over small issues in your divorce. And that is how much it is going to cost if you continue to bicker over personal property and minor financial and custody issues.
I’m not a psychic but I can predict that your ex is going to do something that you don’t like at some point. Okay, probably more than once. If you can’t afford a divorce you can’t afford to fight over every instance of this. Instead, spend money to fight over the issues that matter to you the most and leave the rest.
Mediate your case
Mediation has gotten significantly more popular in recent years. Is it because people don’t want to fight anymore and want to consciously uncouple like Gwyneth and Chris? I don’t think so. Instead, I think it’s because a lot of people can’t afford a divorce and don’t want to go into extreme debt to pay for one.
So how can mediation save you money if you can’t afford a divorce? Although mediators must be paid, the cost for mediation can be split with your soon to be ex. This is different than hiring legal counsel. In general, lawyers can only represent one party in a divorce case, causing both parties to have to pay separate attorneys and, thus, separate legal fees.
Also, mediating your case is generally going to be less expensive than going to court. This is because the sole purpose of mediation is to resolve your issues without ever stepping into the courthouse. Settling is always going to be cheaper than a trial. So if you can’t afford a divorce you should be looking to settle it. Not litigate it.
Although your main reason to use mediation may be to save money, remember that not all mediators are created equal. Therefore, don’t go for the cheapest option. Make sure that you hire an experienced mediator who understands family law. Nothing is worse than wasting your money on a mediator that creates more problems than they resolve.
Check to see if your company offers legal plans
Do you work for a large employer or are a member of a union? If so, you may have access to free or reduced cost legal advice which can help if you can’t afford a divorce. What does this look like? I’ve seen these types of plans work two ways.
The first type of plan is generally available to union members. The employees are given access to a list of lawyers that will represent them for a significantly lower hourly rate than what they regularly charge. There is no limit to the number of hours. While this may still be tough financially if you think you can’t afford a divorce, it is definitely cheaper than the hourly rates of most private lawyers.
The second option is usually available to those that work for large corporations, like banks and pharmaceutical companies. In these situations, the clients have access to a certain number of hours of “free legal advice” as part of their compensation. You must hire an attorney from a specific list to qualify. Some of these plans allow you to use this for divorce services, some don’t.
Not sure if you company offers one of these plans? Ask! Your union representative or human resources contact should be able to tell you. Just make sure that you understand the rules and requirements of the program. For example, most of the free legal advice plans’ hourly limit is not going to be enough for your entire divorce case, particularly if custody is involved.
Seek out divorce funding
Is it smart to go into debt if you can’t afford a divorce? Many people do. I’ve seen clients use credit cards, 401(k) loans, and loans from family members to pay for their legal fees. I’ve also recently heard about “divorce loans” aka personal bank loans specifically marketed to use for legal fees in a divorce case. There is even a company, New Chapter Capital which “specializes in divorce financial solutions by providing funds specifically for individuals involved in divorce proceedings.” How do they do this? by offering “funding for legal fees, and reasonable living expenses” based on a portion of the expected divorce settlement.” Sometimes going into debt like this when you can’t afford a divorce isn’t a bad thing. Surprised I think that? Let me explain.
Do you think that it is a “waste” to go into debt to get divorced? It shouldn’t. You have to look at your divorce as an investment in your future. If you didn’t spend the money would you get your fair share of assets? Would you be able to get child support or alimony without hiring a lawyer to determine your spouse’s income? What about being able to keep your marital home?
Sometimes you have to spend money to make money. And “making money” can mean getting what you are owed in your divorce case. So, it makes sense, in certain situations, to seek out divorce funding if you can’t afford a divorce.
However, that doesn’t mean that you should throw good money after bad. There is a point where you really can’t afford a divorce, no matter how much divorce funding you can get. Don’t go into debt for more than what you are going to receive, or in custody cases, what makes sense to protect your children.
What should you do right now if you can’t afford a divorce?
I know that divorce is expensive. So what should you do if you feel like you can’t afford a divorce. Make sure that you consider the following:
- Consider representing yourself or using legal forms (like the ones from Nolo!) in certain situations;
- Pick your battles and be prepared to let go of small property and custody issues;
- Explore mediating some or all or your divorce case;
- Check to see if your employer offer legal plans for free or reduced cost legal advice; and
- Consider utilizing divorce funding to finance your legal fees if you can’t afford a divorce.
I know paying for legal fees is no fun, especially when it is for something that you don’t want or don’t think that you can afford. But if you follow these tips and use your legal fees wisely you’ll find that you can really afford that divorce.
What’s next on the Divorce Lawyer Life?
Don’t you hate when you make a shopping list before you go to the grocery store and then, when you get home, you find that you forgot to buy the most important thing that was on the list? Yes, me too. And I still do it all the time. Last week it was waffles.
Well, don’t let your divorce settlement end up like your shopping trip. There are specific items that you should never forget to include in your property settlement agreement. Want to know what they are? I’ll give you your “divorce shopping list” next week.
Want to make sure that you don’t miss any of my tips and tricks for paying for and navigating the divorce process post-Coronavirus and beyond? Make sure that you sign up for my weekly newsletter where I recap the week’s articles and provide some additional promos and content just for my subscribers. You’ll get a FREE post-divorce checklist just for signing up!
Or, have you just separated from your spouse and don’t know what to do first? Or after that? It can be difficult to determine where to start first. Don’t worry, I got you! Get my FREE checklist for what to do when you are newly separated. You don’t want to miss it!
**Disclosure** This post contains affiliate links, meaning that I may make a commission if you decide to purchase products through my links. This commission comes at no cost to you. For more information, please review my affiliate disclaimer.