Did you think when you read the title that this was going to be an article where I complain about my clients? Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not. Well, not really. Let me explain. Over the years, I’ve seen a pattern of behavior in some of my clients that frankly, is annoying to (me) your divorce lawyer. And so when a client did something that is on my hit list (more about that in a minute) I said to my coworker, you know what, I should write an article about this! So here we are.
However, you may be saying yourself, Liz, why should I care what annoys you? Everyone has pet peeves. Why should I care about yours?
Because those pet peeves could be costing you and preventing you from winning your divorce case.
We all know that divorces cost a lot of money. Like used Subaru money. What if you could do something that not only would save you money but would actually make your divorce lawyer happy? Like go out of their way to help you happy?
Okay, maybe you don’t care as much about not annoying your divorce lawyer but saving money on legal fees sounds good, right? How about winning your case? Well, either way, this article is for you.
So without further ado, here are the 3 ways you are annoying your divorce lawyer, why these habits are costing you money, and what you can do about it:
- Failing to be an active member of your divorce legal team;
- Ignoring your lawyer’s legal advice; and
- Not showing respect for your lawyer’s time.
Failing to be an active member of your divorce team is annoying your divorce lawyer
You know the phrase “it takes a village?” Well, it also can take a village to get you divorced. I’ve previously written about how important it is to identify and “draft” your divorce team members like accountants, appraisers and mental health professionals. You know who else is an important member of your divorce team? You!
Let me use a sports analogy to explain. While the lawyer is the quarterback of your team, we can’t “score” without our star player, which is you, the client. I can not tell you how many times I’ve had to follow up with clients who were not participating in their case just to get me basic information or answer a question. And you know what? Every time I have to send a follow up email, I charge them for it. And I bet most other divorce lawyers are too. Talk about a waste of legal fees! And besides wasting your money, it is also prevents your lawyer form winning your case because they don’t have the information that they need. Talk about a lose-lose.
So how could you be annoying your divorce lawyer by failing to be that “star player?” Here are some examples:
- Failing to provide financial documents requested;
- Providing piecemeal information that doesn’t give your divorce lawyer the full financial picture or complete story of a custody incident;
- Ignoring emails or other correspondences from your lawyer and not responding to them in a timely manner which requires multiple (i.e. expensive) follow-ups;
- Not doing your case homework (i.e. preparing for trial testimony and/or reviewing documents); and/or
- Simply disappearing during important times in the case without communicating your need for a break with your lawyer.
Think that you are guilty of these? Don’t fret. There’s a simple solution. Do what your attorney is asking you to do! We aren’t doing it for our benefit, we are doing it for yours! So stop annoying your divorce lawyer and be an active member of your divorce team. You know who it helps the most? You!
Ignoring your attorney’s advice is annoying your divorce lawyer
Okay harsh talk time. Your attorney is the expert. You are not. That’s why you hired them! So, why would you pay someone an hourly rate close to the price of a used laptop and ignore their advice? Believe it or not this happens a lot. Are you guilty of this? Be honest. Maybe a little bit? If so you are annoying your divorce lawyer.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing improper about asking questions about your lawyer’s strategy. Please question why you should do what they are asking you to do. In fact, most lawyers want you to do this. Why?
Lawyers want you to be an active part of your case and understand why we are suggesting what we are telling you to do. I actually love explaining to my client’s how I see their case unfolding or the reasoning behind a specific rule or method. I welcome their suggestions. Sometimes, I even take them! Ha. Just kidding.
But, there is nothing more frustrating then having a plan of action with a client and then watching them do the exact opposite. It’s like I made you a painting and then you just threw it in the trash. Not only is it frustrating to your lawyer, it is wasteful and dangerous for you! How?
Ignoring your divorce lawyer’s advice is wasteful of both your money and my time. Why spend money on a lawyer that you aren’t going to listen to?You don’t pay a lawyer to be a mouthpiece for you. You pay us for our advice. Use it! Also, if you don’t want your divorce lawyer’s advice, I’m sure they can find someone else to give it to that is actually going to use it. While we love to talk, we prefer to talk for a purpose.
Annoying your divorce lawyer by ignoring their advice can also be dangerous to your case. What if doing so hurts your chances of getting custody of your kids? What if failing to comply with a deadline results in monetary sanctions that cost you even more money? Would you wish that you had listen to your divorce lawyer then? Probably.
See, I told you there was going to be some harsh talk.
Not showing respect for your lawyer’s time is annoying your divorce lawyer
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You may be surprised to learn that divorce lawyers are humans too. I know crazy, right?? And you are annoying your divorce lawyer when you fail to remember that.
You may be saying Liz, why should I care? I pay my lawyer a lot of money to provide me with their services. I should get to demand whatever I want, whenever I want. That reasoning is actually hurting your case. Want to know why?
Practicing law is a service industry, in that we serve our clients. However, if we are not at our best we can not give you our best service. There is perhaps no area of law where this is more true than divorce law. So this means that, in some cases, we need to set up boundaries between our clients. We do this not only to preserve our mental health but also to remain objective for the benefit of the families that we work with. Let me explain.
I always tell my clients that I would be doing them a disservice if I acted as a “sin eater” for them. What is a sin eater, you ask? It’s someone who takes in all the bad things that a person has done and has had done to them. If I took in all those thoughts for every client I would not be able to be an effective divorce lawyer. I would lose all objectivity about their cases. Why is objectivity so important?
Unfortunately I can not always tell my clients what they want to hear. And if I did then I would not be helping them. I need to set realistic expectations for my clients and their cases to be a good divorce lawyer. I do this by staying objective and looking at the facts and the law, not the feelings and the reasonings behind the breakup.
So, while discussions about feelings and your ex is expected and natural, don’t use your divorce lawyer as your therapist or even your best friend. It is not good for you. And it is annoying your divorce lawyer.
What are some other things that you are doing that could be annoying your divorce lawyer? Here are some ideas:
- Leaving voicemail messages and then following up with an email a few minutes later to ask me to call you (this is my biggest pet peeve and the reason that I got the idea of this article!);
- Not allowing the attorney a reasonable amount of time to answer your telephone message or email, particularly when doing so requires research on the part of the lawyer;
- Showing up to the office without an appointment (would you do that at the doctor?);
- Sending piecemeal information at the last minute;
- Infringing on a lawyer’s personal time, particularly on weekends or holidays unless it is an emergency;
- Calling the lawyer’s cell phone when told not to do so; and
- Texting when told not to do so.
Why should you care about how these things may be annoying your divorce lawyer? Because having a good (professional!) relationship with your divorce lawyer will not only help them fight for you it will make them want to fight for you. And that gives you the best chance of getting the best resolution of your divorce case.
How you can stop annoying your divorce lawyer?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my clients. And I really love my readers. I give you these tips not to help myself, but rather to help you save money on your divorce and get the best results from your divorce lawyer. If they make us divorce lawyers happy in the process, so much the better, right? You can stop annoying your divorce lawyer by doing the following:
- Being an active member of your divorce team who responds to all communications in a timely manner;
- Recognize that your lawyer is the expert and heed their advice. If you don’t like it, question it or get a new lawyer;
- Don’t utilize your divorce lawyer as your therapist or best friend. Their hourly rate is simply to expensive to do that; and
- Remember that your divorce lawyer is also a human being and they work best for you when you treat them like a professional.
So what do you think? Agree with my suggestions? Have some more? Think I’m off base? Let me know in the comments!
What’s next on the Divorce Lawyer Life?
Has COVID-19 had you thinking that it’s time to pull the plug on your marriage? Or, were you and your spouse already headed towards Splittsville before the pandemic? While deciding to end your marriage is a tough decision, it’s even tougher to tell your spouse that you want a divorce. Not sure how to do it? I have some ideas. Tune in next week.
Have you just finalized your divorce award and aren’t sure what you should do to finalize your agreement and move to your best post-divorce life? Want to make sure that you don’t miss any of my tips and tricks for paying for and navigating the divorce process post-Coronavirus and beyond? Sign up for my weekly newsletter where I recap the week’s articles and provide some additional promos and content just for my subscribers. You’ll get a FREE post-divorce checklist just for signing up!
Or, have you just separated from your spouse and don’t know what to do first? Or after that? It can be difficult to determine where to start first. Don’t worry, I got you! Get my FREE checklist for what to do when you are newly separated. You don’t want to miss it!