What You Should Never Wear to Family Court

You can’t judge a book by its cover. Well, that doesn’t stop people from doing it anyways. Let’s be honest, 90% of my wine selections are based on the label. Whether it’s book jackets, wine labels, or Tinder profiles, first impressions matter. And, whether you agree with it or not, we are all judged on our looks. As such, your appearance in court is going to be a factor in your case. That is why you need to carefully consider what you wear to court.

But Liz, what should I wear? Read on grasshopper.

Before I give you the do’s and don’ts of the family court wardrobe let me first give you an example. This comes from my actual files and is one of my favorites illustrations of how a client’s appearance can be used to help their case.

What to wear to family court: a true life example

A few years ago I represented a wonderful person who was the mother of two children. Unfortunately, she found herself divorcing the father of her second child. They were able to work out a shared physical custody arrangement in the beginning. However, a few years later, my client and her ex found themselves at odds as to where the child should go to school and what custodial schedule was best for him.

One of father’s allegations as to why he should have primary custody was that my client was disorganized and ran a chaotic household which was not in the best interests of the child. He also alleged that her house was unclean. None of these were true. While the parties certainly had different parenting styles, my client was a great mom who took care of her kids.

We knew that this was going to be a big part of father’s case. Therefore, when preparing for the custody hearing, we discussed what she was going to wear to court. If father was going to allege that she was “all over the place,” she needed to counter that not only with her testimony but also with her appearance. As such, she made sure that her hair was straightened, her nails were clean and she wore a basic outfit instead of one with crazy colors or prints. In short, she looked very “put together,” the exact opposite of what father was alleging.

What was the lesson learned about what to wear to family court?

Is it sad that someone has to tailor their outward appearance to show they are a fit mother? Yes. Did it work? Yes. While I’m sure her testimony played a large part in us winning the case, I am also equally sure that her physical presentation helped us succeed.

I understand the argument that looks shouldn’t matter and shouldn’t be indicative of your fitness as a parent. But you have to face it, they do. Therefore, if you want to be successful, you have to factor what you wear to court into your entire courtroom presentation. My client was willing to do that and it was worth it. It may have been the difference in her being awarded shared physical custody of her child and only seeing him every other weekend.

The Do’s of What to Wear to Family Court

So you are on board. Great. Here are some examples for what to wear to court:

• Simples dresses: We aren’t talking prom dresses or ball gowns, just something simple. Think business casual.
• Pants: Jeans are sometimes okay for conferences or other lower level court appearances. I do not suggest them for a hearing before a judge.
• Suits: Not really necessary unless you are used to wearing them on a daily basis. If the suit is borrowed or doesn’t fit you are better off just wearing slacks and a button down shirt or dress.
• Button down shirts: Short sleeve or long sleeve is fine.
• Clean shoes: Most shoes are okay if they are clean and match your outfit. Don’t wear sneakers with a suit unless you have a medical reason for doing so. It just looks awkward and my eyes go right to the shoes. Not where you want the judge to be looking.
• Clean nails: You don’t need to get a manicure but please make sure your hands are clean.
• Makeup: I don’t really tell clients how to do their makeup. Whatever you normally do will generally be fine.
• Jewelry: Again, whatever you normally wear is fine. However, it is best not to wear something that is going to distract you during your testimony. For example, if you have a tendency to play with your earrings when you speak don’t wear any. You don’t want the court to focus on your habit instead of what you have to say.

The Don’ts of What to Wear to Family Court

I probably have more examples of Don’ts than of Do’s. Please, please don’t wear the following:

• Shorts: To me, it shows that you aren’t taking the proceeding seriously. This isn’t a day at the beach.
• Short skirts or Rompers: My colleague had a client who appeared for a custody hearing in a romper that barely covered her bottom. This was after they had discussed what she was going to wear. No.
• Sweatpants: Again, this shows you aren’t taking this seriously and have little respect for the court.
• Uggs: See Sweatpants.
• Flip flops: The noise of you walking in them can be very distracting. Also, see shorts.
• Clothing with prominent logos: There are two reasons this is a don’t. First, the logos can be very distracting. Second, if you are in court requesting support, it looks inconsistent to obviously be wearing attire that costs more than a car payment. Even if the shirt was purchased prior to separation or on discount, it sends the wrong message.
• Luxury handbags or jewelry: I recently had a case with an opposing party who said she can’t pay her bills. While carrying a $1,200 Gucci purse. My reaction: maybe start by selling your handbag? I can’t imaging a judge wouldn’t feel the same.
• Dirty or stained anything: If you can’t put on a clean shirt for court, it may make the judge think you aren’t able to do other basic tasks as well. This is not good for a custody case.
• Graphic t-shirts: The message of your shirt can literally send the wrong message for your case.

Money-Saving Shopping Tips for What to Wear to Family Court

If you have decided that you need to invest in some court-worthy outfits, I suggest checking out Thredup. This is an online consignment shop which has both men’s and women’s clothing. You can find some great pieces for really affordable prices. I have purchased clothing from here for work. For example, I got a Ralph Lauren sleeveless blouse for $10! I wear it to the office all the time. You can even use my promo code for $10 off your first order.

If you need help choosing the right outfit, I suggest that you sign up for StitchFix. It is an online stylist site. You fill out what you like and your sizes in an online quiz. Then schedule your fix. Your stylist will send you five pieces of clothing (or accessories) to try on and buy. Just send back what you don’t like. You can even tell the stylist that you need something to wear to court and they will fill your box with appropriate options.

I have gotten some great work dresses from StitchFix. It is definitely more expensive than Thredup. However, you only need one or two pieces to make your wardrobe court-ready. The investment is worth it if it is going to help you win your case. Here is a promo code for $25 off your first order to make it more affordable.

So are you ready for to pick what to wear to your family court hearing?

I’m not asking you to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on a new wardrobe. Chances are, you already have the right clothes to wear to court in your closet. You are likely only going to attend court a few times during the life of your matter. Therefore, make sure that you have one to two outfits that are court-appropriate. Still stumped as to what to wear? Ask your attorney. They will certainly have an idea of what is appropriate for the proceeding that you are attending.

Have a question about what to wear to court for your case? Disagree with my list of Do’s and Don’ts? Have something to add to the lists? Comment below!

Looking for what to do next to help you to get to your best post-divorce life?

Want to make sure that you don’t miss any of my tips and tricks for navigating your family court hearing on the rest of the divorce process? Make sure that you sign up for my weekly newsletter where I recap the week’s articles and provide some additional promos and content just for my subscribers. You’ll get a FREE post-divorce checklist just for signing up!

Or, have you just separated from your spouse and don’t know what to do next? It can be difficult to determine where to start first. Don’t worry. I got you! Get my FREE checklist for what to do when you are newly separated. You don’t want to miss it!