As COVID-19 continues to change what we have long held on to as ‘normal’, we find ourselves navigating situations we could not have foreseen. For co-parents with joint custody or visitation schedules, orders to shelter-in-place and stay at home have certainly modified routines. Are you communicating with your co-parent more because of it?
As I wrote about last week, a lot of co-parents are asking the same questions, such as: “Should I exchange custody of my child while in quarantine?” and “Can I make an emergency parenting plan to adjust to these uncertain times?”
The answer to these questions depend entirely on your co-parenting plan, custody orders, and the relationship you have with your co-parent.
This week, I turned to the experts at Talking Parents App, who have compiled a list of best-practices and tips for communicating with your co-parent during this pandemic and beyond.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #1: Stay informed about COVID-19.
Part of communicating with your co-parenting is staying informed about the pandemic and relying on reputable sources. Spoiler alert: Facebook may not be the best place to get your information. Rather, we suggest that you rely on the information from the following sources:
- CDC
- World Health Organization
- Local health departments in the USA
Continue to pay attention to the guidelines, orders, and limitations that are being in put in place where you and your co-parent live. Many orders include specific wording about custody orders and child visitation, so turn to the official wording before deciding for your children.
Avoid sharing misinformation when you are communicating with your co-parent or with your children. Remaining informed without causing excessive stress is the best way to get through these trying times.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #2: Be patient.
As inconvenient as many of the restrictions and social distancing recommendations may seem, please remember that this is a global pandemic. The millions of people being impacted around the world are experiencing these unprecedented times and are also trying to figure it all out, and this includes your co-parent.
Think about this when you are communicating with your co-parent. How can you do this? Before answering a text or a call with a short-tempered remark, consider that he or she is also trying to deal with this pandemic as well and that there are no clear-cut answers.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #3: Document everything.
Are you still going in to work but your co-parent is able to work remotely? Are you a first responder or live out of state? If one co-parent can work from home and the other does not, custody schedules may need to be rearranged to accommodate homeschooling responsibilities.
In some scenarios, one parent is a healthcare professional and both parents have decided to keep the children at the other parent’s house. Regardless of the modification in the custody arrangement or parenting plan, it is important to keep communicating with your co-parent about everything that is going on, particularly changes to your custody schedule.
Communicating with your co-parent about changes in custody should be documented. Why? These changes could impact child support, parenting plans, and future court orders.
With most courts closed until further notice, keeping detailed notes and records is very important. Moving your interactions to an app like Talking Parents can be a potential solution because their Free version gives you access to messaging, a shared calendar, and the personal journal. Their paid mobile apps also have recorded calling and file vault features.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #4: Make an Emergency Plan.
While this may not be something you want to think about, the reality is that you or someone in your family may be ill. Remember, you and your co-parent likely have shared legal custody so you likely have an obligation to communicate about your children’s health issues.
Before this is a situation that you need to navigate in real-time, I suggest communicating with your co-parent about the steps that you want your co-parent to take if that happens. Decide at what point you want to be contacted and how you will handle a quarantine period or who will accompany the child to the hospital if it is necessary.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #5: Be transparent
If you are not feeling well or have been around someone who has tested positive for COVID-19, it is your responsibility to inform your co-parent. Even if it means that your children stay with the other parent for as long as it takes for you to recover fully, you cannot risk the health of the rest of the family.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #6: Put Your Children First
The number one rule in co-parenting is to put the best interest of the children ahead of anything else. Even in situations that may result in a loss of parenting time or a schedule that you do not like, providing consistency and safety will always remain your priority.
When you communicating with your co-parent about your children, discuss how they are reacting and emotionally handling the changes in their lives. Support your child’s mental health by allowing them to speak openly about how they feel, and try to create opportunities for them to connect with their friends virtually.
Communicating with your co-parent tip #7: Contact a professional if you need help
Is communicating with your coparent generally uncivil? Are you having difficulty finding a consensus? Remember that you do not need to navigate this process alone, and that your attorney or mediator can help you via a virtual session.
A family law professional can be the key in helping you communicate effectively and reach a solution. I suggest that you contact one before engaging in self-help, especially given the limited ability to seek help from the courts during COVID-19.
What are the major takeaways for communicating with your co-parent during COVID-19?
Everywhere you look there are recommendations for what to do to prevent and/or treat the Coronavirus. There are also a lot of recommendations for communicating with your co-parent during this time (or not). Thanks again to Talking Parents App for providing me (and now you) their 7 best practices for communicating with your co-parent during COVID-19:
- Stay informed about COVID-19 and keep communicating with your co-parent about the Coronavirus with information from reputable sources;
- Be patient when communicating with your co-parent so as to reduce the stress on you and your children during this scary time.;
- Document any modifications of or communications about proposed changes to your custody order or parenting plan;
- Keep communicating with your co-parent to make an emergency plan for what to do if you or your children get COVID-19;
- Let your co-parent know if you or your child becomes sick with COVID-19;
- Put your children first when communicating with your co-parent during COVID-19 (and all times); and
- Seek the help of a family law professional should communicating with your co-parent become difficult or unproductive.
Please continue to stay safe and most importantly, keep washing your hands!!!
What’s next on the Divorce Lawyer Life?
Were you in the middle of a divorce during this pandemic? Or, did you want a divorce before we were ordered to stay at home and you don’t know what you should do now?
Don’t worry, I got you! Next week I’ll be posting about what you should do if you wanted a divorce before the pandemic. Are lawyers still seeing new clients? What about Zoom initial consultations? Are you considered separated if you and your spouse are quarantined together? Can you still file a divorce complaint? I’ll give you the answers to all of these and more next week.
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