Can I use the same divorce lawyer as my ex?

Do you and your ex get along? Television shows and movies regularly portray divorcing spouses as two warring factions akin to the Capulets and the Montagues. 10th grade English, anyone? However, a significant portion of couples simply have decided that they don’t want to be married anymore and, as such, want to use the same divorce lawyer to avoid any sword-fighting (literally and figuratively).

Does this sound like you?

Usually, these couples have discussed child custody schedules, support payments, and a division of assets before they have come to my office. In those cases, the client may ask if he/she and their ex can use the same divorce lawyer (i.e. me) as they have already agreed on so much.

The answer is no. Want to know why?

Most states don’t allow spouses to use the same divorce lawyer

Now I know what you may be thinking, typical lawyer, just wants to make more money for her and her other lawyer friends by forcing us to get our own attorneys. Close? Sorry to burst your lawyer stereotype bubble, but that is not the reason why you and your ex can’t use the same lawyer.

When I passed the bar and was sworn in to practice law in Pennsylvania, I agreed to abide by certain ethical rules. Every lawyer in every state does the same. And, under virtually every state’s rules, a lawyer can only have one client. There is no exception. If a lawyer violates these rules then they can be sanctioned and even disbarred.

Think of these ethical rules like a code. Lawyers have to live by this code otherwise we get in trouble and lose our license. No lawyer wants that to happen to them. So we must follow the rules even if clients wish that we wouldn’t.

Why using the same divorce lawyer is not good for you

I don’t just follow this rule to protect myself, though I think that is a really good reason to do so. These rules also benefit you. How you ask? Keep reading.

Divorce, no matter how amicable, is an adversarial process. This means that you and your spouse, no matter how well you get along, are on opposite sides. Think of it as the Packers and Bears playing on Christmas Day. Or, insert your favorite sports team here if you don’t like my Green Bay Packers. But seriously, how can you not love Aaron Rodgers?

These teams are on opposite sides. They both need a coach that is going to tell them what plays to run and how to win the game. Could they use the same coach? Of course not!

The same rule applies here.

How could I possibly give legal advice to both parties of equal value that doesn’t somehow negatively affect the other? It’s impossible. That’s why you and your spouse can’t use the same lawyer.

What if the parties are on the same page regarding an aspect of their case and then suddenly disagree? What do we do then? Do they get two new lawyers? Do I stay on as the lawyer for one of the parties? How would that be fair?

I think you can see why using the same divorce lawyer doesn’t work for the clients either.

Does your spouse need a divorce lawyer if you have one?

In the age of DIY divorce, I often have cases where I am the only attorney. However I still only represent one party. I do not give legal advice to the other. In fact, it is my policy that I don’t speak to unrepresented litigants on the phone. Why?

Do you want to see a line item on your bill which showed that I talked to you spouse for 30 minutes? I don’t think so. This is why I only communicate with unrepresented parties in writing. This way, my client can see everything that we talked about. Also, I don’t have to worry about the unrepresented party make a claim that I said something that I did not.

I also end any communication to the unrepresented party by directing them to give my correspondence to their attorney if they have retained one. Again, I do this to protect myself and you. I would never want a property agreement or divorce decree to be set aside because there was confusion as to whether the unrepresented party thought I was also their attorney.

Does this rule apply to mediators?

Lawyers who also work as mediators are in a different category. Why? Mediators do not advocate nor do they give legal advice to the parties during the mediation sessions. Instead, mediators act as a third party to help you and your spouse come to a resolution of your divorce and/or custody issues. Nothing said in mediation is subject to attorney-client privilege.

What does attorney-client privilege mean? When you hire me to be your attorney we create a relationship where you can tell me things that (except for a few exceptions) I can’t tell anyone else. You don’t have the same relationship with your mediator.

Why?

Mediators do not act as representatives of the parties during mediation sessions. Therefore you don’t have an attorney-client relationship with them. Therefore, mediators are not in violation of the one lawyer-one client rule. If you want to know more about mediation, check out my article “Is Divorce Mediation right for you?”

There are better ways to save money on your family law matter than trying to Uber-pool a lawyer with your spouse. Read my post about the six essential tips to help save on the legal fees in your divorce.

Do you have a question about using a divorce lawyer? Don’t know how to find one? Let me know in the comments!