I think that Valentine’s Day may be the most controversial holiday of the year. Why do you ask? Some people love it. Go all out for Valentine’s Day. For them, it’s all sunshine, roses, and teddy bears. Still, for others, cupid’s holiday makes them want to hide under one of those weighted blankets until February 15th. No amount of free chocolate is going to lure them out. I tend to find people spending their first Valentine’s Day post divorce under those blankets.
Think about it and be honest: which one are you?
Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Like, as in tomorrow. Is this your first Valentine’s Day post divorce? Are you not sure how to feel about that?
Don’t worry! I got you! Here is an easy 3 step guide for celebrating St. Valentine’s Day as a divorced person. In this article, I’ll talk about celebrating this holiday:
- With your children;
- With your new significant other; and
- With yourself.
Take a deep breath and follow me.
What to do if you are celebrating your first Valentine’s Day post divorce with your children.
It’s funny. I have never had a client ask to include Valentine’s Day as a holiday in a custody agreement. Do you have Valentine’s Day in your custody order? Would you ever think to include it?
While we think about Valentine’s day as a day of romance, it can also just be a day about love for anyone in your life. And what is more about love than the bond between a parent and child?
If you happen to have your children on Valentine’s Day this year (either by design or by way of the calendar), you can take this opportunity to create a day of love and tradition with them. Similar to other holidays, creating new traditions with your children post divorce, is a great way to help them during this time of change.
Also, spending the day showing your love to your children may help you as well. Instead of fixating on this being your first Valentine’s Day post divorce without your spouse, you can focus on the love of your children and the love that you have for the new life that you are creating together.
Looking for some ideas of things to do with your children on Valentine’s Day post divorce? How about these:
- Make Valentine’s Day cards for your children’s classmates;
- Bake cookies or cakes;
- Watch Valentine’s Day themed movies or tv shows; or
- Volunteer.
Whatever you do with your children, make it positive! Don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do!
What to do if you are celebrating your first Valentine’s Day post divorce with a new significant other.
It’s no secret that dating is tricky. Dating after divorce is even trickier. First Valentine’s day post divorce with a new significant other? Maybe the trickiest! Do you agree?
Here are some things to think about if this is your first Valentine’s Day with a new boyfriend or girlfriend post divorce.
Don’t compare your first Valentin’e Day post divorce to Valentine’s Days during your marriage.
One of the worst things that you can do is compare this Valentine’s Day with any that you spent with your previous spouse. Every relationship is different. Playing the compare and contrast game could set you up for disappointment and frustration.
Also, although your significant other is aware that you were married before, they probably don’t want to be reminded of it, particularly on the allegedly most “romantic day” of the year. So, even if you find yourself comparing this first Valentine’s Day post divorce with those during your marriage, keep those thoughts to yourself.
Have realistic expectations about your first Valentine’s Day post divorce.
Are you one of those people that sets high expectations for Valentine’s Day. Like if it isn’t perfect then the day is ruined? While doing that in any kind of relationship can be a recipe for disaster, it is probably the worst thing to do if this is your first Valentine’s Day post divorce.
Some people want this first post divorce Valentine’s Day to be perfect to validate their decision to separate. Others want to prove that their new significant other cares about or is “better” than their spouse. Some want both. So, they think, if this Valentine’s Day doesn’t confirm those thoughts, it’s ruined. Do you see how this can happen?
You know who gets hurt the most when you do this? Yourself. So, be realistic about your significant other’s plans for this day. Don’t build it up as a kind of test for your post divorce relationship. Instead, take the day for what it is, a day to spend in the company of someone you care about. Nothing more.
Communicate with your new partner about your thoughts on your first Valentine’s Day post divorce.
Do you have all sort of feelings about this first Valentine’s Day post divorce? Is it causing you to dread this day? Would you rather stay home and not celebrate? Do you want to go all out? Whatever it is, you need to tell your new partner what you want.
As much as we would like, people aren’t mind readers. So, if you have a lot of baggage attached to Valentine’s Day because of your divorce you need to tell your new paramour! Allowing your feelings to go unsaid will only drive a wedge in your new relationship. Don’t repeat past mistakes. Speak up!
Looking for some non-cheesy ideas to celebrate this Valentine’s Day? Check these out.
What to do if you are celebrating your first Valentine’s Day post divorce with yourself.
Notice how I used the word yourself instead of alone. That was on purpose. Alone connotes images of a sad sack watching Hallmark movies eating Ben and Jerry’s straight out of the pint. While there isn’t anything wrong with doing that sometimes (Phish food is one of my favorites), that is not the kind of Valentine’s Day I want for you if this is your first Valentine’s Day as a divorced person.
Spending Valentine’s Day alone with yourself can bring up a lot of emotions. Perhaps you are remembering the Valentine’s Days that you spent with your former spouse. Or perhaps thinking about spending this day in your own company makes you sad, knowing that others (including your former partner) are spending with loved ones. Some have even called this the Valentine’s Day Blues.
The most important thing to do is to not spiral into sadness and self-doubt. Instead, use this day as a time for self-care. Here are some examples:
- Take yourself to the movies;
- Get a massage;
- Exercise;
- Make or order your favorite meal;
- Call a friend; or
- Forgo Valentine’s Day completely for Galentine’s Day!
Instead of wallowing in what you don’t have, remind yourself of the good in your life. And in the world.
Divorce is a time of transition and self-love. Looking for more self-care tips to use during the divorce process? Don’t worry, I got you! Check out my article for 7 tips on self-care during this stressful period. Pick one and do it on Valentine’s Day.
And, if you are still struggling with your emotions about your divorce, I suggest that you seek professional help. Check out my article on Gabrielle Hartley’s Better Apart Master Class, to help you do just that!
I hope that you are ready for your first Valentine’s Day post divorce!
Your first Valentine’s Day post divorce can bring up a lot of emotions. Choose to focus on the positive. No matter if you are spending it, with your kids, your new significant other, or yourself, you can make the day about love and gratitude for your post divorce life!
Have you just separated from your spouse? Not sure what to do next? Make sure to sign up for my newsletter and get my easy (and free!) guide for what to do if you and your spouse have decided to call it quits!
Or, are you finishing up the divorce process and want to make sure that you take all the necessary steps to set yourself up for your best post divorce life! I have a guide for that too! Get it here!
Is this your first Valentine’s Day post divorce? How are you planning on spending it? Let me know in the comments!